header image

11.20.2006

Deep breathes.

I am constantly taking deep breathes. Why you might ask? Its my random way of calming my very frayed nerves. Why are my nerves so frayed? That is honestly a mystery to me. This is by all means an easy term. I am working 8:30 – 4:30 without any real amount of stress. I take one class in which I have zero assignments, easy content to study, minimal readings, and three one hour lectures which cover about 2 pages worth of notes maximum. I am also getting an 83 on the dot with 3% bonus guaranteed so its not like I’m failing my easy class. I am not searching for co-op jobs (which is usually the main cause of my stress in school terms), I am not cramming for finals or midterms, I am not rushing out papers or assignments. Yet, I am taking deep breathes. Constantly.

I prefer academic stress. Social stress is without a doubt more nerve wracking, emotionally damaging, frustrating and harmful. Academic stress is easily overcome with some time management and prioritizing. Social stress is easily over come by nothing. Suck it up, get over it, face your fears, talk to someone, confront your problems, avoid your problems. All lovely advice but really now, does any of that solve anything or make it better? The chance that it will is minimal, I can almost guarantee you that time management and prioritizing will solve the majority of my academic problems (minus co-op jobs again which is in its own league of hell fury). But social problems? I wish that I had a save all cure all for that. Instead I sit here in befuddlement (not working by the way) debating and pondering over how to make everything better in every which sense.

The one who is trying not to cheat on the significant other, the one who is still hung up on the old flame, the one who can’t voice their problems, the one who can’t see who they want to be with, the one who is unable to see the positive, the one who is blindsided to the anger, the one who is oblivious of the crumbling friendship, the one who is a stone wall, the one who is dieing, the one who is failing, the one who has given up hope, the one who has gotten lost. The pills, the razor, the knife, the liquor, the sex, the drugs, the highs, the lows.

Deep breath.

# posted by Diana: 2:32 p.m. |