5.08.2005
I've had the moment. The important moment. The moment that is required to be had when living in the place that we live. I had the recollection. The recollection that I've returned to this place that I'm supposed to call home. The recollection that the demeanor must change, that the smile must stay on and that every word that is said must be taken into account in every way possible. I've had that moment where I recalled all this information, and it finally stuck.I miss the lime light, the light life, the leisurely lulls of time where one didn't need to worry and all that mattered was that there was nothing on tv so instead we were to watch some form of a sex show or latin porn. I daresay I miss those times, it is so much more difficult to remember and to act as one remembers. Does anyone else realize? How none of us grow, how none of us truly change and in the end we all revert back to what we were, what we were remembered as.
What have I become? such a shell of a person... or perhaps not maybe more then one person. Either way I finally remembered and I can't help but wonder, since then and up to now time has passed. What has the impact of my words, my actions done already. How far as my life spun out of control and how will I get it back on track.
I miss it all. I miss the simplicity. I fear it won't return. I hate the worry. I fear it won't go away. So many things cause twinges in my mind and a small smile to dance on my lips and slowly fade away into a cynical and somewhat sad smirk.
I realized today I was home. Just moments ago and now I worry and I fear and I think and I remember to be careful.
Family Guy, Futurama, Tim Hortons, ANTM, Extreme Sports, Shoelaces, Banana's, Egyptian Rap, Guitar, Basketball, Blood, Wheels, Movies, Pop Stars, MSN, Sex, Liquor, Drugs, Marriage, Popcorn, Time, Aviator Glasses, Leather, Pillows, Staying, Leaving, Converse, Bandages, Ice Packs, Water Bottles, Cranberry Juice, 40's, 60's, Tickets, Cold.
Everything is just a reminder. When will it stop. Time passes on the back of a snail but it seems to move at the speed of light.
# posted by Diana: 12:38 a.m. |