12.15.2004
so I'm totally awake right now and I figure it is an ideal time to do a nice long post. Why, aka why right now? cuz Christina said my posts were too short lol.I figure I'll do one of those SUPER long posts that really revolve around nothing unless you can decipher my random innuendo's and whose-ie-nannies... if thats even spelt right it'll be a miracle.
So, the world is a bitter bitter place and basically makes me want to cry inside. Why do you ask? cuz it is a bitch and then you get raped by boars. A saying I haven't used in a long time. To elaborate I find myself in this constant cycle of "are they mad at me?" "are they not?" "am I just paranoid?" "what the fecker is wrong with me?" "why don't we talk anymore?" "why didn't we talk before?" "why is it so hard to get inside your head?" "do you let anyone in?" "why won't you let me in?" "do I have a right to be let in?" "Did I piss you off that much?" and so on and so on... guys you want insight on a girls mind there you go its a slew of questions that don't make much sense and are really just going in circles...
end result boys are stupid and girls are crazy, and we wonder why we can't get along lol.
and to add to the fun that is only cycle one of situation one that goes through my constantly thinking mind
there is also the "why don't we talk anymore." "right cuz we didn't talk before to begin with" "damn I want to talk to you amungst other things" "I wish I had gotten to know you better." "why didn't we talk after?" "why were you here?" "will you be here again?" "i hope you are here again."
then there is also "what the fecker am I doing?" "what am I going to do?" "How is this ever going to end in a good way?" "maybe alcohol will fix it." "or make it worse" "I don't want this to happen." "I never wanted it to happen like this." "I am dumb." "no wait you are dumb." "dammit we are both dumb." "I hate you....idiot" "no wait thats I hate myself... idiot.'
and then of course "how come life is sucky?" "right cuz I'm a melodramatic teenager who is filled with artificial angst and a desire for the world to hate her becuase I enjoy leading my life in misery." "still how come life is sucky" "because the world hates you" "what the hell did I do to the world." "you butt raped it." "when the fuck did I do that" "between being recarnated as a worm and getting a grilled cheese and bacon." "wtf" "yeah kick in the pants isn't it" "i'm going to die painfully aren't I?" "not if you have anything to do with it." "right" "damn you contempt for friends and world I hope you go die in a hole." "scorning other people sure sucks big arse since it does jack all." "sucks to be jack all."
and since I haven't seen the sun in a SUPER long time we also have the wonderous joys of random voices whispering in my head "kill" "maim" "rape" "molest" "die" "murder" etc. although those just might be me and christina making fun of the schizophrenia I'm developing from the entire lack of sun I haven't seen in like 2 weeks. Not a happy cheerful thing. Your concept of days is also more then a little warped.
On an entirely different note that takes away from the raging conversations that go on in my odd little brain, I think I may like the kid but yet I don't think I do, I really have nothing to base this on. What the feck. Relationships suck, just like children and old people. All of the above should just drop down and die and get rampaged on by the rampaging bull
Oh, another happy thought that is constantly running through my brain "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?" not always directed to me but also to other people. Obviously I know what I was thinking and heaven's to Betsy' knows that that isn't even remotely sane or logically.
Then to change topics again, its time to make friends in a new rez again, and with the coming end of term it'll be an interesting one. I think I know people in every residence in the entire uw. MKV - done, SJU - done, V1 - done, UWP - done, CLT- done ... so basically I'm missing the other creepy lil colleges (i.e. Renison, St. Paul and Conrad Grebil *shudder*), Minota Hagey and well I know people in REV but I never visit em. The North and the West are scary... only the South and the East we are the safe lands. mmm E4 lol new blood I s'pose them and S6 ...
which reminds me I need to update my pictures thingy I have tons more pics from university all horribly organized and wonderfully funny. Eh it'll get done eventually when I feel like it or something.
Universtiy is an interesting experience and first term is nearly done, and it sucks cuz I feel like I've accomplished nothing but done stupid things and read a psych textbook. Everything else is just like this fabulous blur or nothing. I think I'm phasing out more memories. I also watched many the movie. Movies are fun and a wonderful time waster. For those entering university. Flesh out your movie collection it will bring your hours upon hours of entertainment and popularity cuz people will always want to borrow movies.
Also started the inevitable house hunt, started looking and realized its effing hard to find an 8 month lease everyone wants 12 month which technically isn't that bad since I have coop but still kinda sucky since everyone I live with isn't coop. This can't be leading to good things lol. Oh well
Its 5:30 and I'm not even remotely tired, a little hungry but no more caf food for multiple reason's, including lasck of money on WATcard and angry angry heartburn from when I tried to eat Tim Horton's it resulted in LOTS of laughing and much much pain. I think it was the caf nacho's either that or I really did have a peice of bagel in my left ventricle cuz you know THAT's possible PFT.
Many fun fun thing to look forward to next term although I'm definately going to miss all my co-op kids *tear* you guys pretty much suck for leaving j/ks. Better be visiting us often though big jerk faces cuz I'm never going to see you lot since I coop the opposite of you guys lol. Its like all my European boys too them and like Bren haha lucky Bren :P
Also I'm pledging here that after University I have to go to Europe. I say backpacking through Europe but I really would prefer you know luggaging through Europe but I doubt thats going to be affordable. Well whatev, something will happen. I hope.
I dont' want to go home and I've determined I'm going to end all my blog entries the same way. Can you guess yet?
and End Scene...
# posted by Diana: 5:10 a.m. |